Thank you for attending my class on rejection sensitivity and alternative relationship styles! Many attendees ask for more resources after class, so I put this page together – but remember that I am not a mental health professional. Please send feedback on the class or this page to rsdfeedback@etoiledc.com which allows my Owner to forward it to me at an appropriate time.
Note: If you haven’t attended the class, and were sent this by someone else, this is only a small part of what is covered in class. Keep an eye on my schedule for when I’ll next be teaching the class virtually or in person!
My RSD Patreon
I have been running a Patreon about RSD and alternative relationship styles since September 2024. It arose from the class you attended, but it has taken off as a unique resource as well. Currently, you receive the same content regardless of what tier you join, and memes are always shared with free members. I might write a book at some point based on this writing!
Notes
- Rejection sensitivity is a real thing that has been researched since the late 1930s
- Many neurodivergent brains struggle to understand the difference between dangerous threats and minor problems
- RSD isn’t an official psychiatric diagnosis, so feel free to self-diagnose if what you learn about it resonates with you – labels are a tool for understanding ourselves, and help us find information and community
- When rejection happens, remember someone has had the bravery to say “no” in a situation where that can be difficult
For s-Types
- You are not a “bad submissive” – you have a medical condition
- If it feels like you’re being manipulative or topping from the bottom – those are intentional acts, RSD responses are not
For D-Types
- You make the rules here, discuss when you’re not mid-episode what your s-type can do for you when they do hit (eg, sitting at feet quietly, saying key phrases that will help you)
- Because people with RSD avoid doing things that might provoke rejection, you might avoid certain types of play – trust your partner and try to explore together
For Both Sides
- It’s tempting to pull back from someone when you’re feeling rejected, but watch out for how the retreat impacts trust in a relationship with power dynamics
- Don’t step up your play just to attract partners who won’t reject you – this can lead to unsafe activities
- Be careful playing with degradation and humiliation, these can be considered edgeplay for those with rejection sensitivity
Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy
- You are still polyamorous even if you feel envy when your partner is with someone else – intellectually you want them to enjoy it even if your RSD is making you feel bad in the moment
- Take time when not feeling rejection sensitive to come up with ways you can take care of each other when the feelings hit (I watch whatever I want on TV; if extended time is involved I like a check-in text that they’re safe occasionally – once a day or so)
Things Mentioned
- Medications: Intuniv (guanfacine) and Kapvay (clonidine) have been reported to be helpful with RSD, but this is off-label usage
- Lee Harrington’s book Become Your Own Beloved is a good resource for developing tools when rejection sensitivity strikes in polyamorous relationships: https://www.passionandsoul.com/books